Japanese are magical beings that suddenly appeared on these islands. Ainu? Huh? Eye new? I knew? Yeah yeah me too. I knew too. Godzilla.

So you're mixed Japanese? Sorry not Japanese enough. Gotta be pure Japanese. You know 100% Organic Vegan Non-GMO. What's that? Descendants of Jomon and Yayoi? They're all really mixed? No, no, no, some are pure. Trust me. How can you tell? Well, they speak perfect Japanese of course, and they look "Japanese." Overseas Japanese? Come on now, that doesn't count. Not pure enough. Gotta have samurai swords in the blood and kimonos in the hair. If you shake them up, all you see are little red and white flags floating inside. That's pure Japanese. Like pure Americans. Nothing but guns, beer, and cars. Maybe an eagle or two. Or a hot dog. Pizza? Nope, sorry, that's a Italian. Ok, donuts. Go America. Did I have a point? Oh yeah, so Maria Osawa. Yeah, I'll take any excuse to talk about her. I mean, ahem, serious here. So serious. She's not Japanese. She's mixed. I even saw a Japanese guy discriminate against a Japanese girl since her English was so good. No way she could be Japanese. Not pure Japanese. Must be mixed or something. (No, she was Japanese.) Gotta love it. Discriminate against your own. The guy refused to shake her hand. Of course, Japanese usually don't shake hands but still. Ever heard of being polite? She must not be Japanese, speaking English and trying to shake hands. Now, I gotta eat more sushi and kimonos so I can be pure Japanese. And sake. Don't forget the sake.